Dennis Cardiff: Poems and Prose

Welcoming the End

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by

D Cardiff
in

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83f6f78e11dc673de3125e7ed13b0ea4

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Visions of my crumpled, lifeless body
haunt my aimless footsteps.
Spectres from the grave welcome
this life-weary traveler.

Tomorrow, that will not come, denies
upturned eyes, the soft rains of hope.
Flames of sorrow and rage sear
this tortured soul.

Ragged hell-cries of desperation rip
and pierce my mind.
No sound is uttered,
since there is no ear to listen.

Grief rises and swells
like the limitless ocean,
swallowing this helpless, solitary victim
in tides of comfortless tears.

Mother earth, take this flesh, these bones
to your rocky bosom;
pull a cover of earth
over this last weary day.


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This poem represents a very bleak period in my life.  After expressing my feelings on paper, I sought psychological and medical help.  I am now pleased to report that suicidal feelings have been left behind.  Bipolar, obsessive compulsive and paranoid personality disorders will always be with me; however medication and meditation allows me to live an intermittently happy life.

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Comments

26 responses to “Welcoming the End”

  1. Paul Avatar
    Paul

    Very beautiful poem. I never think of suicide but don’t really care when the end comes. Yea God has blessed me w/ a some what comfortable retirement . And I’m very thankful …

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    1. Dennis Cardiff Avatar
      Dennis Cardiff

      It’s been many years since I contemplated suicide. With a doctor’s help, and medication, I now live at peace with myself. ~ Dennis

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  2. missbenzedrine Avatar
    missbenzedrine

    How you’ve conquered all that will forever remain a mystery to me. I don’t understand how meds and meditation help that significantly!:(

    Don’t medications just make you feel numb and empty?

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Hi Isabella, medication, meditation and twenty-five years of reading about how to open my heart, renounce my ego, and serve others. I spend time each day with homeless people. I help them in the little ways I can, but their problems are so much greater. mine seem insignificant in comparison.

      To a certain extent the meds do make me feel numb, but the alternative is extreme anxiety. The numbness gives me time to think, to back off a little, then proceed with caution and moderation. To open up to others rather than to close down in fear and anger.

      I hope this helps. ~ Dennis

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  3. btg5885 Avatar
    btg5885

    Dennis, thanks for choosing life. Your words capture an inner beauty, angst, etc. Your words are truly an inspiration, so please do not cease with your perceptive observations and wordsmithing. Life is not easy, but people like you help us lift each other up. Take care and bless you, BTG

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Having the support of friends is a great help. Thanks for your comment. ~ Dennis

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  4. toad (chris jensen) Avatar
    toad (chris jensen)

    Reblogged this on Keptmeprisoner.

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Thanks, Chris, for reblogging my poem. It is much appreciated. ~ Dennis

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  5. tonyroberts64 Avatar
    tonyroberts64

    Very expressive.

    I’m glad to hear you are doing better. I pray for your continued healing.

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Hi Tony, yes I am doing much better. This poem was written a long time ago, but I still have bouts of depression triggered by events in my life.

      Thanks for posting the words to “No Depression.”. It is a very uplifting song. ~ Dennis

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  6. Cheryl @ Stop The Stigma Avatar
    Cheryl @ Stop The Stigma

    Reblogged this on Stop the Stigma! and commented:
    The pain and despair of depression beautifully written…

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Thanks, Cheryl, for reblogging my post. It is much appreciated. ~ Dennis

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      1. Cheryl @ Stop The Stigma Avatar
        Cheryl @ Stop The Stigma

        Thanks goes to you, Dennis.

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  7. britpref Avatar
    britpref

    It gives me hope for a loved one to hear that you have healed after such a dark and desperate period in your life. Thank you for being so open to the world.

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Thanks for your kind words, Brittany. Yes, I have healed, although it’s like a recovered alcoholic; I take life moment by moment, day by day. With strength today will be a good day. ~ Dennis

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  8. Jade Reyner Avatar
    Jade Reyner

    Thank you for being so open and I am really pleased that you have found a way to live a good life. :-)

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Yes, life is good, as long as I stay within my limits. ~ Dennis

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  9. Tracesofthesoul Avatar
    Tracesofthesoul

    Ouf!:( beautifully written but filled with such despair. Glad you added that last piece of explanation. Namaste

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      I was suicidal. When I came to terms with that, and realized that I always had a way out, it relaxed me. From then on it was moment by moment, day by day, until I reached a point of equilibrium and chose life. Now I try to think less about myself and more about serving others.

      Namaste,
      Dennis

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      1. Tracesofthesoul Avatar
        Tracesofthesoul

        That’s wonderful, Dennis! The thought of My kids were my lifeboat when despair overpowered me; now that they’re older, it’s my grandson and the youths I work with. There is such joy in helping and after 13 years, I do know it makes a difference. You certainly impact on so many people in person and on this blog, blessings.

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  10. yakinamac Avatar
    yakinamac

    Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts. So good to hear that the combination of medication and meditation has had such a positive impact.

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Medication, meditation and twenty-five years of reading about how to open my heart, renounce my ego, and serve others. Thanks for your kind words. ~ Dennis

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  11. msuzanneb Avatar
    msuzanneb

    Thank you for sharing this poem. It is hauntingly beautiful. I myself entered a dark period several years ago and had similar thoughts. We are both blessed to find the goodness that resides within us. The beauty of who we are created in the perfect image of the Creator… Meditation and Prayer has worked very well for me. Wishing you many blessings! Namaste.

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Meditation and prayer have also worked very well for me. I have found the goodness that resides in me and try to share that with others.

      Namaste,
      Dennis

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  12. Barb Miller Avatar
    Barb Miller

    Your work inspires me to use my knees often in gratitude for my richly blessed life today. Thanks for sharing, Well done Barb M

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    1. dcardiff Avatar
      dcardiff

      Hi Barb, we should all be thankful for our blessings and our challenges. They are what brought us to where we are now. This is a good place. ~ Dennis

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